Lead Like a Coach: How to Use Coaching Competencies

When I left acting a hundred years ago, I went to coaching school. And the skills I learned there turned out to be incredibly valuable, not just for my coaching practice, but for leading others in general. Getting my International Coaching Federation (ICF) certification was incredibly powerful for me because it took so many tools I was already using - both as a leader and as a trainer - and put names to them, making it easier for me to teach them to others. Now you, in one blog post, can digest everything I spent thousands of dollars on at coaching school and spare yourself the expense. (You're welcome!)

Let's be honest: most of us were promoted because we were good at solving problems or achieving results. Then we became managers and discovered that the skills that made us successful individual contributors actually make us less effective leaders. When we jump in with answers, fix issues immediately, or provide solutions before our people have time to think, we create dependence instead of ownership.

This is where coaching competencies become your best friend.

What are the ICF Competencies?

The ICF defines the core competencies that professional coaches use to guide our clients effectively. These competencies focus on building trust, listening well, powerful questioning, and facilitating growth.

The eight ICF coaching competencies are:

1. Demonstrating ethical practice

2. Embodying a coaching mindset

3. Establishing and maintaining agreements

4. Cultivating trust and safety

5. Maintaining presence

6. Listening actively

7. Evoking awareness

8. Facilitating growth

   
   

Managers who adopt these competencies shift from a directive approach to one that encourages collaboration and self-discovery. Performance and commitment improve. Engagement increases. Things get better. So let's break each one down a bit.

1) Demonstrating Ethical Practice

For managers, ethical practice means being clear about the hat you're wearing in any conversation. Are you acting as a supervisor who's making a performance decision? A mentor sharing experience? Or a coach helping an employee think through options? Confusion about those roles can erode trust quickly, especially if information shared in one mode impacts decisions made in another.

Ethical leaders are transparent about boundaries and confidentiality limits, avoid using coaching conversations for gossip, and resist the temptation to manipulate employees toward a predetermined answer disguised as a question.

Employees are far more willing to be vulnerable, explore challenges, and admit uncertainty when they trust that their manager is genuinely invested in their growth rather than simply trying to drive compliance. (Coaching skills only work when trust comes first.)

2) Embodying a Coaching Mindset

Many managers approach coaching as a moment in time or a technique: ask a few open-ended questions, avoid giving advice too quickly, and encourage reflection. But the ICF competencies are built on something deeper: a coaching mindset.

A coaching mindset starts with the belief that all your employees are creative, resourceful, and whole. It shifts your role from being the person with all the answers to being the person who helps pull answers out of others.

A coaching mindset requires several important assumptions:

• People generally want to do good work

• Employees often know more about their obstacles than you do

• Ownership increases when people are involved in creating the solution

• Growth often comes from thinking through challenges, not being rescued from them

Adopting a coaching mindset also means becoming comfortable with silence, curiosity, and uncertainty. Managers accustomed to moving quickly may feel the urge to jump in with advice the moment an employee pauses to think. Resisting that urge is where the real coaching begins.

A coaching mindset simply changes the question from"How do I get this employee to do what I want?" to"How do I help this employee become more capable, confident, and independent?" The first question may solve today's problem. The second develops tomorrow's leader.

3) Establishing and Maintaining Agreements

This competency helps create clarity about what a conversation is meant to accomplish and how success will be defined. (Remember "hear, help, or handle"?) We often jump directly into problem-solving without first agreeing on the purpose of the discussion. (For example, how many times have you heard an employee say, "I'm having a problem with...," and your first instinct is to offer advice?)

Establishing agreements extends beyond individual conversations as well. Managers and employees both benefit from shared expectations around communication, decision-making authority, accountability, and follow-up. People can't meet expectations you don't share.

And the second half of the competency is just as important: maintaining agreements.

If a conversation drifts away from the original purpose, effective managers pause and redirect it (ideally using procedural statements). Clarity about goals, roles, and expectations reduces misunderstandings and increases ownership and trust. (Anybody else had a manager who said something like, "we're all going to do XYZ together" and then never followed through on it?)

People perform better when they know what game they're playing and how success will be measured.

4) Cultivating Trust and Safety

Trust is the foundation of any effective coaching relationship. (Dare I say any relationship?) Managers who build trust create a safe space where employees feel comfortable sharing ideas, challenges, and aspirations. This openness leads to honest conversations and a deeper understanding.

To build trust:

• Show genuine interest in employees’ well-being and development

• Maintain confidentiality when appropriate

• Keep your commitments

• Tell the truth early whenever possible

• Make things right when they've gone wrong

• Demonstrate empathy by acknowledging feelings and perspectives

  
  

Consider starting your one-on-one meetings by asking about recent successes or challenges outside of work. This simple act shows care beyond tasks and builds rapport.

5) Maintaining Presence

When you've got sixteen deadlines fast approaching, twelve direct reports who need your input, and a sick kiddo at home, this can be the most challenging competency of them all.

In simple terms, it means being fully engaged, focused, and responsive in the moment rather than mentally jumping ahead to solutions, distractions, or your next meeting. Being present with an employee is something they notice and that matters.

When you check notifications, glance repeatedly at your laptop, or interrupt with solutions before hearing the full story, you unintentionally communicate that the conversation is less important than whatever else is competing for their attention. Presence sends the opposite message.

Maintaining presence also means becoming comfortable with pauses and silence. Many managers rush to fill quiet moments because silence feels inefficient or awkward. But it's the few seconds after a difficult question when employees (and job applicants) move beyond rehearsed answers and arrive at genuine insight. If you jump in too quickly, you can interrupt the very reflection you were hoping to create.

Finally, maintaining presence means managing your own reactions. Employees may share ideas you disagree with, frustrations you don't fully understand, or concerns you weren't expecting. Coaching leaders remain curious rather than defensive, asking questions to understand before evaluating or responding. (This is super-important when employees are giving you feedback.)

6) Practicing Active Listening

Active listening means fully focusing on the speaker without interrupting or planning your response while they talk. (I've always said that people don't listen, they reload.) It involves observing verbal and non-verbal cues and reflecting back what you hear to confirm understanding. (This is another reason I recommend working in a cameras-on environment.)

Many managers have been programmed to listen for one purpose: to identify the problem or the solution they plan to offer. Coaches listen differently. They listen for patterns, assumptions, emotions, motivations, and opportunities hidden beneath the surface of the conversation. Employees often arrive at their own solutions if given the space to think out loud. Your job isn't always to provide answers. Sometimes it's to create clarity.

So next time a team member shares a concern, try saying something like, “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed with the current workload. Can you tell me more about what’s causing that?” This approach encourages openness and helps uncover root issues.

7) Evoking Awareness

Managers often ask informational questions:

• Did you call the client?

• When is the deadline?

• Who approved this?

Powerful questions - open-ended questions that require the other person to think deeply - instead invite reflection and new perspectives. Managers who ask powerful questions help employees explore options and take ownership of solutions.

Good coaching questions don't lead employees toward your answer; they help employees discover their answer. These kinds of questions shift the conversation from problem-solving to growth and development.

Some of my favorite powerful questions include:

• What am I missing?

• How am I helping you? How am I getting in the way?

• How would you solve this if I weren't here?

• What have you already considered?

8) Facilitating Growth

Creating awareness means helping employees see new possibilities, patterns, or blind spots. Managers can do this by sharing feedback on observable behaviors, asking insightful questions, and encouraging self-assessment.

A practical example is during performance reviews when a manager might say, “I’ve observed you excel in client communication, but sometimes hesitate to share ideas in team meetings. What do you think is holding you back?” This invites reflection and opens the door for development.

Similarly, one of the hardest things for managers to do is contain their own expertise. When an employee brings a challenge, many leaders immediately think, "I've seen this before," or, "I know exactly what they should do." (And you probably do. But that doesn't mean saying it immediately is the best leadership move.)

Before giving advice, try using some open-ended questions to get your employee talking about their situation. Your advice may solve the problem quickly, but it won't develop the employee's confidence in their ability to solve similar problems in the future.

The other side of the growth coin is taking action and helping others be accountable for their actions. Setting SMART goals together, having a year-long development plan, or making realistic career-development goals (and sticking your employees to them) also creates growth. (But not if they can't keep up with it.)

Put this into practice

The first step is to adopt a coaching mindset. You have to be willing to slow down a little and focus on developing your people instead of just delivering your outputs. So next time someone brings you a problem, pause before answering. Ask yourself if your goal is problem-solving or employee development. And then respond.

Managers who consistently build strong, resilient, high-performing teams are usually the ones who spend less time being the smartest person in the room and more time helping others discover that they can be smart too.