When Coaching Is the Wrong Leadership Tool

Coaching is a highly valued leadership skill, and one that’s gotten a lot of attention in the last few years.  More leaders – and leadership curriculum - have moved away from the command-and-control approach of “do as I say” and now lean more into asking instead of telling.  The benefits are obvious: it builds ownership, confidence, and problem-solving skills, allowing your employees to become stronger in their own roles.  But there’s a danger in taking the “coach, don’t tell” approach all the time, since sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is stop asking questions and start leading.

So how do you know when someone needs coaching versus something else?

Let’s look at four different ways to respond to an employee who brings you a challenge:

• Coaching says “Help me understand what you think and what you want to do.”  This brings the employee insight and puts the problem-solving and initiative in their hands. 

• Directing says “Here’s what needs to happen.”  This puts the ownership in your hands and the responsibility onto the employee. 

• Accountability says “We agreed you would do X. What happened?”  This reminds the employee of previous commitments and holds them responsible for delivery.

• Decision-making says “I’ve heard the perspectives. Here’s the decision.”  This enables the employee to move forward despite ambiguity and fear.

Direction

Employees who are new to a task will not benefit from coaching – in fact, it can be even more confusing to them in the moment.  When I first worked on a training budget (something I had never done before), and my CFO said, “You’ll figure it out,” I almost died.  How would I figure it out?!

Situational Leadership reminds us that the best times to use this tool are when:

• Your employees don't know how to do something (like me)

• The expectations aren't clear or the outputs are vague

• They're new or inexperienced, both overall or when dealing with a new task

• There's a safety, compliance, legal, or other specific requirement

• A situation requires immediate action

Don't make your employees try to figure out what you already know.  That’s like asking a question you already know the answer to – it puts pressure on the employee to get it right rather than learn.

Accountability

Coaching is meant to empower your employees by pulling information and insight from within them.  But when the problem isn’t a lack of insight, it’s a lack of follow-through, all the coaching in the world isn’t going to fix it.  When you’ve already discussed expectations but they’re not being met, when the same issue keeps happening, or the employee simply isn’t following through, using accountability systems and conversations are what will get you through.

Can you use open-ended coaching questions?  Absolutely!  Some of my favorites include:

• “What got in the way?”

• “What did you commit to doing?”

• “What needs to happen now?”

• “How will you make sure this doesn't happen again?”

• “What am I missing?”

Accountability conversations can still be curious and respectful without becoming open-ended coaching sessions.

Decision-Making

Almost every leader I talk to wants to avoid being a micromanager (even some of the worst micromanagers I’ve ever met!)  Leaders often lean on coaching because they don't want to come off as bossy or micromanaging.  But eventually, whether you’re coaching or not, someone has to decide.  Endless questioning can create frustration, ambiguity, and decision fatigue.

Even leaders who prefer consensus-led decision-making are deciding, though it’s more of a blend of coaching and deciding. 

People can’t move forward in the dark.  There will be times that you, as the leader, will have to be the one to stand up and say, “We've explored the options and based on what I've heard, I'm making the decision that we're going with Option B.”

Being decisive isn't the opposite of being a coach. It's part of being a leader.  (And it’s also ok to change your mind.)

Can Coaching Actually Make Things Worse?

Yes, sometimes.  Some employees feel abandoned by coaching and wonder why their leader won’t just tell them what they want.  (Haven’t we all been there at some point?)  Coaching can delay necessary action, drawing out ambiguity or indecision for longer than employees are comfortable.  It can turn straightforward issues into complicated, drawn-out conversations. It can allow poor performance to continue when leaders use a coaching conversation to replace an accountability one.  And it can put inappropriate responsibility onto an employee who doesn't have the authority to decide.

A question isn't automatically empowering just because it's a question.

How Do I Know What’s Needed?

Instead of jumping to any default response to an employee’s need, ask yourself, “What do they need from me right now?”

If the answer is clarity, give them direction or a decision.  If it’s skills, teach or train them.  If it’s ownership, empower them and coach them.  If it’s follow-through, hold them accountable.  If it’s a decision, decide.  If it’s support, listen and remove barriers.  And if it’s urgent action in a tight timeframe, direct.  

Good coaching isn't about asking more questions. It's about knowing when a question will help—and when it won't.  The goal isn’t to eliminate coaching from your toolbox, it’s to balance all tools in there and use the right one at the right times.

Before your next coaching conversation, ask yourself: “Does this person really need me to ask a question right now?  Or do they need me to lead?”