The other day, my preschool daughter stubbed her toe and had a meltdown -- not because of the pain of the toe stub, but because (and I quote), "I wish things I didn't want to happen couldn't happen." I'm with her! What a world it would be if things we didn't want to happen just couldn't happen! But while my husband and I try to teach her that there are things to be gained and even enjoyed by the mishaps and undesired situations in our lives, it reminded me of how often we,

Achieving goals requires focus, energy, and willpower. But all of those are resources that can be easily depleted, and if you don't have the skills to renew them, you can be caught empty-handed when you most need some support. In their deeply enjoyable book Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success , the brilliant collection of authors lay out two things to consider as you're looking to make a change -- your motivation and your ability. That is, do you WANT to ch

You've written your goals (SMARTly, of course) and you're ready to go. Before you drive off into the sunset in pursuit of your goals, though, it's a good idea to get clear on some of the things that could crop up along the way and keep you from your destination. Planning for obstacles helps you in moments of crisis. When you anticipate some of the things that could come up and make a plan for how to handle them, you've got something to rely on in the moment. Spend some time

If you've been following this series for a couple of weeks now, you will have already identified your goals, written them the right way, prioritized them, and gotten pretty SMART already. The next step is to take your Big Picture Goals and break them down. But before we do that, I want to tell you the story of a real person I know who uses this technique impeccably. I have an old friend -- let's call him Frank (but that's not his name) -- who used to be a theatre director.

As I mentioned in an earlier post , not all goals need to be SMART. The Big Picture goals you use as North Stars don't need to be SMART, they need to be inspiring and exciting. But in order to get there -- to climb the mountain of your dreams -- you need to know where you'll be stopping along the way, and exactly what it will take to get you there. That's where the SMART goals come in. There are lots of different kinds of SMART out there, and mi There are lots of different

There are lots of ways to prioritize goals, but if you are operating by yourself (and not part of an organization or family that does goal-setting together), this is a simple way to identify what needs to happen first. I use three categories to think about and rank goals: Priority 1: Must Do These goals must be achieved if you are to consider yourself successful. These are your highest priority goals. Not every goal can be a Priority 1, and sometimes only certain Milestone g

You may think that writing a goal is the same as writing an email or anything else you write a thousand times a day. But it's not. Here are some tips for writing goals that stick with you, enable your mind to digest them, and are more likely to be achieved. Write them in the present tense . Which one sounds more like you'll be at the gym tonight -- "I want to go to the gym tonight" or "I'm going to the gym tonight"? They're essentially the same thing, but one has you alre

Not sure what goals you want to set, or what goals would make you happiest if you achieved them? The tools I share below will help you both come up with goals and align those goals with your wants, needs, and hopes. Tool 1: The Wheel of Life The eight sections in the Wheel of Life represent different aspects of your life, each of which is a potential place for a goal. Reflect on your level of satisfaction in each life area and then, thinking of the center as 0 and the oute

Thanksgiving is approaching, and for many people, so is the stress and anxiety caused by being with family, feeling judged, trying to replicate traditions, or just generally having expectations that are difficult (if not impossible) to meet. It's funny that a day reserved for gratitude and thanks can end up being so fraught and unmanageable. So here are two things to think about as you tote your turkey from the trunk to the brine: 1) Examine Your Expectations Are you trying

So many of my clients are overworked, perpetually busy, and burnt out. They're stuck on a hamster wheel and it's taking its toll. Day after day, the To Do list gets longer and the opportunity to relax gets pushed farther and farther away. "I'll relax when the kitchen is clean," says the mom of two boys. "I'll take a break when the presentation is perfect," says the junior employee. "I'll sleep in when I'm on vacation," says the overworked executive. Robert Holden, a coach,

I was sitting with a friend recently who was going on about how terrible her complexion was and how awful her varicose-veined leg looked and how the skin on her tummy has never been the same since the babies were born. And while I didn't care about pimples I couldn't see and a leg that looked just fine and a tummy that was always hidden behind clothing, I did feel terrible for my friend. She was suffering. And bringing a lot of that suffering on herself. I sat and listene

Back when I was dating, a friend of mine and I got into an argument over what to expect from men. She argued that it was better to expect men to be jerks and be surprised when they turned out to be sweet so that she wasn't disappointed. I argued that it was better to expect them to be kind and to be unpleasantly surprised when they were jerks. And for years, I went out with really sweet guys and she dated jerk after jerk after jerk. Now, was this because she had a penchant

When she was two, my daughter LOVED Taylor Swift. There were basically two songs on repeat at our house, Baby Shark (of course) and "Shake Shake Shake," as we called it. Now that she's older (and has a younger sister), our listening habits have changed, but Shake it Off still has a soft spot in my heart (that perhaps Baby Shark will never have). It also has an interesting place in my coaching practice. Think back to the last time you got stuck in a mood, ideally a grumpy o

One of the keys to living a life that's meaningful and fulfilling is to identify the guiding forces of your life, choose the ones that bring you the most joy or satisfaction, and then follow them as best you can. Your values run through everything you do -- your peak experiences and your lowest lows. They lift you up and connect you to your best, most wonderful self, and the violation of your values brings you frustration, disconnectedness, and dissatisfaction. But most o

One thing I've always struggled with is borrowing trouble. Making mountains out of molehills. Playing the end of the act before the curtain even rises. I look for every way something could go wrong, every way I could mess something up, and then obsess about it... until it actually happens. Not because it was inevitable, but because I made it inevitable. I'm a bit of a Girl Scout; I like to be prepared for every possible outcome. In my purse at (almost) all times there a

"I'm just too busy." "I can't get things done because my schedule is jam-packed from morning to night." "I don't have time to make change." Want to believe these things about yourself? Or would you like to find out if you have time to make some changes? A while back, I discovered that I have a lot of time tucked away inside a day. "So trust me," I say. "Believe me!" (And then hundreds of very busy people tune me out because I tell them to rely on my experience instead of thei

When I first started working with my own coach, he taught me to create a Wheel of Life so we could see where I was and where I wanted to be in the various areas of my life. It's a great tool to periodically check in on, and it reminds me to aim high in the most important areas. (It's also something that I use with my own clients to help jump start our relationship and my understanding of how they see the world.) Luckily, I found a website that will help you generate your own