Stress Is Contagious, Especially Yours

You know that feeling when you walk into a room and immediately sense that something is wrong?  No one has said anything, but you can feel it. People are quieter, conversations are shorter, and everyone seems to be moving a little faster.  No small talk or laughter.  Just incredibly intense focus.

Stress has a way of spreading.  And when you're the leader, yours can spread particularly quickly.  It’s not because your team is fragile or incapable of handling pressure; it’s because people naturally take cues from the people around them, especially the person in charge.  Your urgency becomes their urgency.

Imagine your manager sends a message at 9:15 a.m.: "I need this ASAP."  Again at 9:22: "Any update?" And at 9:30, they walk over and say, "We really need to get this done."  What are you feeling?

Your manager may simply be stressed about a deadline. In their mind, they're communicating the importance of the task.  But you hear something else: This is an emergency! I need to drop everything! I can't make a mistake!

Now multiply that by every interaction they pressure you on throughout the day.

A leader who is constantly rushing, interrupting, escalating, or communicating in a heightened tone can unintentionally create a team that operates in a constant state of urgency. And when everything feels urgent, people don't necessarily become more productive.  They become reactive.

Leaders often underestimate how much information they communicate without actually saying anything:

·        Your facial expression (and whether or not it matches your words)

·        The speed at which you walk into a meeting

·        How quickly you respond to an email

·        Whether you interrupt

·        Whether you sigh when someone brings you a problem

·        Whether you say "Don't worry about it" while looking extremely worried

·        How quickly you solve a problem or jump to a solution

·        Whether you treat a mistake as something to learn from or something to panic about

(I’ve often told leaders that if you’re not in control of your body language and tone of voice, you’re not in control of your message.)

Your team is paying attention. They're trying to answer questions like:  How serious is this?  Is it safe to make a mistake? Do I need to drop everything? Is my boss upset? Should I be worried?  When the leader is visibly stressed, employees may assume there is something they should be stressed about, too.

"But, Kate," I hear you asking, "doesn't urgency get things done?" Sure, sometimes.  There are moments when urgency is appropriate: a patient safety issue, a critical deadline, a major client problem, or an unexpected crisis may require people to move quickly.

The problem isn't urgency, it’s constant urgency.  If everything is an emergency, your team eventually loses the ability to distinguish between a true emergency and something that is simply important.  And that creates a dangerous cycle:

Before long, everyone is operating at the same elevated level.

The good news is that calm is contagious, too.  A leader doesn't need to pretend that everything is fine. In fact, forced positivity can be just as unsettling as visible panic.  Instead, try communicating calm clarity.

Instead of:	Try:
"This is a disaster. We need to fix this immediately."	"This is important. Let's figure out what happened and determine our next step."
"Why isn't this done yet?"	"Where are we with this? What's getting in the way?"
"I need this right now."	"This needs to be completed today. What do you need to make that happen?"

Notice that none of these responses minimizes the problem.  They simply remove the unnecessary emotional amplification.

The next time you feel yourself getting activated at work, ask yourself three questions:

1. Is this actually urgent?

Or does it simply feel urgent because I'm feeling stressed?

2. What am I communicating beyond my words?

If someone watched my behavior without hearing the conversation, what would they think was happening?

3. What does my team need from me right now?

More urgency? Or clarity, perspective, and direction?

You don't have to eliminate your stress to lead effectively. You just need to recognize that your stress doesn't have to become everyone else's stress.

The next time you walk into the office carrying a stressful day, ask yourself: Am I about to spread it, or help contain it?