The first question I always ask when someone comes to me asking for training is, " does this situation require training, or are there better ways to solve the problem? " Sometimes what's needed is feedback, sometimes it's consequences. Sometimes it's coaching, and sometimes it's mentoring. There are lots of ways to address problematic performance, and training is only one of them. But how do you know what to use when? Let's look at a few examples, and I'll show you what I

A lot of my clients come to me knowing what's "wrong" with them, but not enough know what makes them amazing, different, unique, and valuable. If you're like my clients and want some help tapping into your special sauce, I recommend trying some online assessments. There are so many that help you determine your strengths, preferences, and internal awesomenesses, and knowing these things is so powerful when understanding and talking about yourself (especially in interviews).

Part of what I love about coaching is discovering and understanding different people's beliefs about the world around them, and how they view the mysterious and unknowable spaces associated with it. Some people call these spaces "god" or "a higher power," some "the universe," and some talk about it as the interconnectedness of humanity. (And some haven't given it a thought until we've talked.) Whatever you call it, I'm talking about the energy that is outside yourself, not

The other day, my preschool daughter stubbed her toe and had a meltdown -- not because of the pain of the toe stub, but because (and I quote), "I wish things I didn't want to happen couldn't happen." I'm with her! What a world it would be if things we didn't want to happen just couldn't happen! But while my husband and I try to teach her that there are things to be gained and even enjoyed by the mishaps and undesired situations in our lives, it reminded me of how often we,

Back when I was acting, I learned pretty early on that you never know why you didn't get a role. Maybe your audition sucked or you weren't thin enough. But maybe you were two inches taller than the man who was already cast. Or you were brunette and they wanted a blonde. Or the role was already tentatively filled by last year's intern. Or you looked too much like the director's ex-girlfriend and that would be too awkward. Or you were the director's ex-girlfriend... You

Achieving goals requires focus, energy, and willpower. But all of those are resources that can be easily depleted, and if you don't have the skills to renew them, you can be caught empty-handed when you most need some support. In their deeply enjoyable book Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success , the brilliant collection of authors lay out two things to consider as you're looking to make a change -- your motivation and your ability. That is, do you WANT to ch

You've written your goals (SMARTly, of course) and you're ready to go. Before you drive off into the sunset in pursuit of your goals, though, it's a good idea to get clear on some of the things that could crop up along the way and keep you from your destination. Planning for obstacles helps you in moments of crisis. When you anticipate some of the things that could come up and make a plan for how to handle them, you've got something to rely on in the moment. Spend some time

If you've been following this series for a couple of weeks now, you will have already identified your goals, written them the right way, prioritized them, and gotten pretty SMART already. The next step is to take your Big Picture Goals and break them down. But before we do that, I want to tell you the story of a real person I know who uses this technique impeccably. I have an old friend -- let's call him Frank (but that's not his name) -- who used to be a theatre director.

As I mentioned in an earlier post , not all goals need to be SMART. The Big Picture goals you use as North Stars don't need to be SMART, they need to be inspiring and exciting. But in order to get there -- to climb the mountain of your dreams -- you need to know where you'll be stopping along the way, and exactly what it will take to get you there. That's where the SMART goals come in. There are lots of different kinds of SMART out there, and mi There are lots of different

There are lots of ways to prioritize goals, but if you are operating by yourself (and not part of an organization or family that does goal-setting together), this is a simple way to identify what needs to happen first. I use three categories to think about and rank goals: Priority 1: Must Do These goals must be achieved if you are to consider yourself successful. These are your highest priority goals. Not every goal can be a Priority 1, and sometimes only certain Milestone g

You may think that writing a goal is the same as writing an email or anything else you write a thousand times a day. But it's not. Here are some tips for writing goals that stick with you, enable your mind to digest them, and are more likely to be achieved. Write them in the present tense . Which one sounds more like you'll be at the gym tonight -- "I want to go to the gym tonight" or "I'm going to the gym tonight"? They're essentially the same thing, but one has you alre

I like to look at three major categories of goals: Big Picture goals, Milestone goals, and Mini goals (or action steps). Each has its own components, qualities, and needs. Let's look at them one by one. Big Picture Goals These are the long-term goals that are not achievable in one step. They take time and effort and are likely made up of a series of smaller goals. If we think of goal setting like hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro, these are the mountain themselves. They are major

Not sure what goals you want to set, or what goals would make you happiest if you achieved them? The tools I share below will help you both come up with goals and align those goals with your wants, needs, and hopes. Tool 1: The Wheel of Life The eight sections in the Wheel of Life represent different aspects of your life, each of which is a potential place for a goal. Reflect on your level of satisfaction in each life area and then, thinking of the center as 0 and the oute

This is the first in a series of posts about goal setting that are tailor-made for 2022, the first year in the pandemic when we can really plan and set goals without being completely sideswiped by the mysteries and surprises of the pandemic. If you, like me, have taken a break from goal setting the last couple of years, now is a great time to get back to it. If you, also like me, don't particularly like setting goals, this series is for you. Let's take a quick look at where

Psychologist Carl Jung is noted for teaching that the pieces of our selves that we can't accept are the very things that stick with us and plague us in different ways until we finally drop the resistance and accept them. What does this mean, and what can we do about it? First, think about the things in your life you can't accept or be with. These are things that drive you crazy (in yourself or others). For example, for a long time, I had trouble with "neediness." When my

Thanksgiving is approaching, and for many people, so is the stress and anxiety caused by being with family, feeling judged, trying to replicate traditions, or just generally having expectations that are difficult (if not impossible) to meet. It's funny that a day reserved for gratitude and thanks can end up being so fraught and unmanageable. So here are two things to think about as you tote your turkey from the trunk to the brine: 1) Examine Your Expectations Are you trying

So many of my clients are overworked, perpetually busy, and burnt out. They're stuck on a hamster wheel and it's taking its toll. Day after day, the To Do list gets longer and the opportunity to relax gets pushed farther and farther away. "I'll relax when the kitchen is clean," says the mom of two boys. "I'll take a break when the presentation is perfect," says the junior employee. "I'll sleep in when I'm on vacation," says the overworked executive. Robert Holden, a coach,

When I’m in the grip of my saboteur, I should all over myself. It’s not pretty. Let me break that down a little. The saboteur is one of the voices in my head that just wants me to stay small and play it safe. It’s got a handful of really attractive techniques it uses to keep me small (fear, shame, comparison, derision, judgment – to name but a few) but shoulding is one of my favorites because it’s so subtle. Sometimes the saboteur feeds me one (or many) of the following l

I was sitting with a friend recently who was going on about how terrible her complexion was and how awful her varicose-veined leg looked and how the skin on her tummy has never been the same since the babies were born. And while I didn't care about pimples I couldn't see and a leg that looked just fine and a tummy that was always hidden behind clothing, I did feel terrible for my friend. She was suffering. And bringing a lot of that suffering on herself. I sat and listene

Back when I was dating, a friend of mine and I got into an argument over what to expect from men. She argued that it was better to expect men to be jerks and be surprised when they turned out to be sweet so that she wasn't disappointed. I argued that it was better to expect them to be kind and to be unpleasantly surprised when they were jerks. And for years, I went out with really sweet guys and she dated jerk after jerk after jerk. Now, was this because she had a penchant