Savoring What's Left of Summer: Finding Pleasure During Change

On my daughter's eighth birthday this summer, I had a revelation. I was chatting with a fellow mom about all the memories we want/hope/try to create for our kids during the summer - a trip to the amusement park, staying up late to watch fireworks or roast marshmallows, and all those other script-flipping, special occasion moments. I imagine looking back on them with happiness, nostalgia, and a real seize-the-day kind of energy.

But in reality, I've discovered that breaking my kids' routine usually ends up in a meltdown, or a grouchy kid (or two) the next day, and a bunch of regret.

So how can I find or create those lovable moments that make this summer the one I look back on and say, "wow, that was really something"? And how do I do it when I'm in the middle of a change or transition, when things are more upside down and don't feel as comfortable (to me) as they are when I'm on more solid ground? (Because, really, who's not in the middle of some kind of change or transition these days?)

Here are some suggestions:

Learn more

Bone up on change and transitions to get a better sense of what to expect during times of change. This will help make the times of change less stressful and make it easier for you to understand what's going on (and remind you that the change is temporary).

Savor the good in every regular day

While still aiming to create special occasions that are less disruptive, you can make a day memorable by reflecting on it. Mull it over in your mind like you would melt a fancy chocolate in your mouth. In our family, we do this in a couple of different ways, but the most consistent one is by sharing our Favorite Part Of the Day (or FPOD) at dinner every night. It gives us a chance to think back on the day and identify times that made us happy, honored our values, or just felt good.

Track your gratitude

I've kept a gratitude journal (inconsistently) for years now. When I identify what I'm grateful for, it helps me focus on those things and savor them. For example, I'm often grateful for my confidence at work. And so if I'm not feeling confident about my friendships, I can lean into my gratitude for my work confidence and let it spill over into friendships.

There's another way to capture gratitude that I find even more fulfilling, and that's to identify people in your life who have taught you valuable lessons and connect to your gratitude for those people and those lessons. For example, I learned this technique from my teacher Seamus at the School of Practical Philosophy, and I'm grateful to him for having taught me. (I'm now reflecting back on that course and how good it felt to be in it. See? It's working while you read it!)

Quiet Your saboteurs

Our brains have a natural negativity bias, focusing on what's not working more than what is. To savor the moment, you need to focus on the positive while temporarily tuning out the negative. That means quieting the voices in your head that say this is boring or you're doing it wrong or this may work for Kate but won't for you. (Read more about your saboteurs here.) Instead of listening to your inner critic, listen to the birds. Or find your toes. Or feel the air from the fan blowing over your arms.

Take Mental Snapshots

When you find yourself in a moment you want to remember (even if it's only until sharing it as your FPOD), take a mental snapshot. What are you seeing in this moment? What are you hearing, feeling, and smelling? Using all your senses to capture the moment will make it more vivid in your memory and will force you to quiet your critics long enough to capture the sensory information of the present moment.

What do you want to remember from this summer? What can you do to capture and create memories that matter to you and honor your values? If you're stuck and can't think of something, give me a call!