When I’m in the grip of my saboteur, I should all over myself. It’s not pretty. Let me break that down a little. The saboteur is one of the voices in my head that just wants me to stay small and play it safe. It’s got a handful of really attractive techniques it uses to keep me small (fear, shame, comparison, derision, judgment – to name but a few) but shoulding is one of my favorites because it’s so subtle. Sometimes the saboteur feeds me one (or many) of the following l

Back when I was dating, a friend of mine and I got into an argument over what to expect from men. She argued that it was better to expect men to be jerks and be surprised when they turned out to be sweet so that she wasn't disappointed. I argued that it was better to expect them to be kind and to be unpleasantly surprised when they were jerks. And for years, I went out with really sweet guys and she dated jerk after jerk after jerk. Now, was this because she had a penchant

I've been doing a lot of perspective work with my clients recently and it's been a good reminder that the way we see the world is just one possible way to see it and interpret it. I remember when I was in my 20s and acting, I went through a phase where I really felt like I was failing as an actor because I wasn't getting any roles that I liked. I was sucking at my auditions, I thought, and probably needed to lose weight and learn how to sing and dance. I believed that the w

A long time ago, I worked at a law firm as a technology trainer and I shared an office with the lovely gentleman who answered the Help Desk phone line. (No, he didn't just tell people to try turning it off and on again .) We were both in service roles and also happened to be two friendly people, so our coworkers often came to us when they had problems. They had a lot of problems. And after a while, it started to feel like our office was where you went when you wanted someon

In a world of increasingly casual work interactions, it's always a good idea to remember that your boss has control over a lot of things in your professional life, and you don't want your opportunities for advancement or recognition to be undermined by a less-than-ideal relationship with your manager. Here are some tips to consider as you think about your relationship: Pay attention to your interactions With clients, we’re (ideally) on our best behavior. With our bosses, it’s