If You Trust Them, Why'd You Rewrite Their Email?

As leaders, we often say we trust our people while behaving in ways that quietly communicate the opposite. For example, we tell someone we trust their judgment, then ask to approve every decision. We tell them to take ownership, then jump in and redo the work. We encourage them to speak up, then get defensive when they disagree with us.

None of these things necessarily mean you don't trust your team. You may simply be trying to help, move faster, prevent a mistake, or make sure something meets your standards.  But your intentions aren't the only thing your team experiences. Your behavior is part of the message.

And when the message is, “I trust you… as long as I can check, change, approve, or redo what you do,” people notice.

Over time, they may stop making decisions without you. They may start asking for permission instead of taking initiative. They may bring you problems they could have solved themselves. And eventually, you find yourself wondering, “Why does everyone need me for everything?”

Sorry, friend, they may have picked that up from you.

Trust isn't just something you tell people you have. It's something you demonstrate by giving people appropriate ownership, letting them make decisions, and resisting the urge to grab the steering wheel whenever they take a slightly different route than you would.

So what, exactly, do we do as leaders that we don’t realize is breaking trust?  Here are a few examples (check any boxes where you’re guilty):

• Rewriting someone’s work instead of giving them feedback and ownership.  We think they haven’t struck quite the right tone, and we know exactly the wording we would use.

• Checking in constantly signals that we don’t trust they’ll get the work done in the time allotted. 

• We sometimes blame it on “the system,” but requiring unnecessary approvals, especially over small dollar amounts or non-critical decisions, makes people feel babysat instead of empowered.

• When we’ve delegated a decision to someone, then we second-guess their decision.  Out loud.  In a meeting.

• Taking work back (“Oh, I’ll just do it”) or taking over when something isn't done exactly your way (“Why don’t you do…” as you start to type on the shared doc)

Why is it a problem?  While I can't find specific research to back up a stat I heard a long time ago, every change you make to someone else’s work negatively correlates with their sense of ownership.  When you write an email in your voice, the employee can feel their authentic voice is being erased.  And if an employee knows their draft will be completely overhauled regardless of what they write, they stop investing effort into the first draft.  (I literally had a coaching client describe her work as “drafting something mediocre that my manager can completely rewrite.”)  And autonomy is a core driver of workplace motivation. Constant, minor tweaks signal a lack of trust, converting a meaningful task into a checklist chore.

Why do we do this?  Well, it feels faster or safer.  We know how we would do it.  We’re trying to prevent mistakes or we’re under a lot of pressure.  It’s usually when we feel fear, a need for self-preservation, or just plain old stress that we try to control our people.

I’m not suggesting that you go 100% hands-off, either, and abandon your team and hope for the best.  What’s really important is setting clear expectations, giving people appropriate autonomy (based on their level of skill and willingness), and setting up accountability so they know what’s expected and when. 

So before you rewrite that email, ask yourself:

• Is this actually wrong, or just different from how I would say it?

• Is this a real risk or is it just making me uncomfortable?

• Do I actually need to get involved?

• What would happen if I let them own this?

Trust is built through repeated experiences of being trusted.  (After all, it is both a verb and a noun.)  If you want your team to take ownership, you have to give them time and space to actually own things.