Part of what I love about coaching is discovering and understanding different people's beliefs about the world around them, and how they view the mysterious and unknowable spaces associated with it. Some people call these spaces "god" or "a higher power," some "the universe," and some talk about it as the interconnectedness of humanity. (And some haven't given it a thought until we've talked.) Whatever you call it, I'm talking about the energy that is outside yourself, not

The other day, my preschool daughter stubbed her toe and had a meltdown -- not because of the pain of the toe stub, but because (and I quote), "I wish things I didn't want to happen couldn't happen." I'm with her! What a world it would be if things we didn't want to happen just couldn't happen! But while my husband and I try to teach her that there are things to be gained and even enjoyed by the mishaps and undesired situations in our lives, it reminded me of how often we,

Back when I was acting, I learned pretty early on that you never know why you didn't get a role. Maybe your audition sucked or you weren't thin enough. But maybe you were two inches taller than the man who was already cast. Or you were brunette and they wanted a blonde. Or the role was already tentatively filled by last year's intern. Or you looked too much like the director's ex-girlfriend and that would be too awkward. Or you were the director's ex-girlfriend... You

Thanksgiving is approaching, and for many people, so is the stress and anxiety caused by being with family, feeling judged, trying to replicate traditions, or just generally having expectations that are difficult (if not impossible) to meet. It's funny that a day reserved for gratitude and thanks can end up being so fraught and unmanageable. So here are two things to think about as you tote your turkey from the trunk to the brine: 1) Examine Your Expectations Are you trying

So many of my clients are overworked, perpetually busy, and burnt out. They're stuck on a hamster wheel and it's taking its toll. Day after day, the To Do list gets longer and the opportunity to relax gets pushed farther and farther away. "I'll relax when the kitchen is clean," says the mom of two boys. "I'll take a break when the presentation is perfect," says the junior employee. "I'll sleep in when I'm on vacation," says the overworked executive. Robert Holden, a coach,

When I’m in the grip of my saboteur, I should all over myself. It’s not pretty. Let me break that down a little. The saboteur is one of the voices in my head that just wants me to stay small and play it safe. It’s got a handful of really attractive techniques it uses to keep me small (fear, shame, comparison, derision, judgment – to name but a few) but shoulding is one of my favorites because it’s so subtle. Sometimes the saboteur feeds me one (or many) of the following l

I've been doing a lot of perspective work with my clients recently and it's been a good reminder that the way we see the world is just one possible way to see it and interpret it. I remember when I was in my 20s and acting, I went through a phase where I really felt like I was failing as an actor because I wasn't getting any roles that I liked. I was sucking at my auditions, I thought, and probably needed to lose weight and learn how to sing and dance. I believed that the w

Whenever I embark on something new -- working with a new client, a new freelance project, even trying a new schedule with my baby -- I hear a sneaky, unfriendly voice offering me sixteen different ways my new endeavor will fail. I recognize the voice; I've been hearing it for as long as I can remember. But it wasn't until I came to coaching that I understood what that voice is. It's my inner gremlin, my personal saboteur, my stuck-maker. Originally, that voice helped keep

One thing I've always struggled with is borrowing trouble. Making mountains out of molehills. Playing the end of the act before the curtain even rises. I look for every way something could go wrong, every way I could mess something up, and then obsess about it... until it actually happens. Not because it was inevitable, but because I made it inevitable. I'm a bit of a Girl Scout; I like to be prepared for every possible outcome. In my purse at (almost) all times there a