Holding Yourself Accountable: a How-To

I’ve always been a fairly accountable person:  If I say I’m going to do something – and it’s important to me – I do it.  That said, I work with lots of clients who are struggling to hold themselves accountable because they haven’t built the muscle yet or haven’t logged the hours of practice it takes to make the behaviors automatic.

So here’s a guide for anyone looking to hold themselves accountable.

First, what is self-accountability?

Self-accountability is taking responsibility for your actions, behaviors, and decisions without blaming others, making excuses, or beating yourself up.  It’s owning up to what you did (or didn’t do) and how it affected your outcomes. To hold yourself accountable, you need to take an honest (and objective) look at your actions and recognize where your choices came into play. 

Sound like hard work?  It can be. 

Because it’s tempting to avoid a difficult conversation by ghosting, skip the guilt of letting someone down, or to eat the chocolate when you said you wouldn’t, but there’s profound value in strengthening your emotional regulation and being able to sit with those negative feelings.

Holding yourself accountable isn’t about being perfect and it doesn’t mean beating yourself up when you get off track.  It’s simply about being honest and using that awareness to improve moving forward.

Before you start

Spend some time thinking about why you want to be accountable in the first place.  What will be different?  How will that benefit you?  What are you willing to start doing?  What are you willing to give up?

When making a change, baby steps are the way to go.  Small changes and/or short-term goals are more realistic, and getting quick wins will motivate you to continue.  So be realistic:  don’t expect to become a self-accountability expert overnight.  Assess your current self-accountability on a scale of 1-10.  What would it take for you to move up one number?  What would it take to get all the way to 10?

How to hold yourself accountable

1.      What are you actually doing?

Sometimes you’ll be holding yourself accountable for random tasks like getting your drivers’ license updated, taking in the dry cleaning, or going to the gym.  And sometimes those tasks will be part of a larger goal like building your business, upgrading your personal brand, or staying healthy.

Either way, if you’re going to hold yourself accountable to something, you’ve got to be crystal clear about what “done” looks like or it’ll be a lot harder to hold yourself accountable to the outcome.  So avoid tasks like “being happier” or “making more money” unless you can measure them and know when they’re done.

Expert tip:  Karin at Body Brain Alliance suggests asking yourself, “On a scale from 1-10, how confident am I that I can get this done?”  If your answer is not 9+, change that task and make it smaller for yourself. 

2.      If you want to be accountable for goals, share them

If you’re looking to be accountable for more than a list of tasks, set goals.  And then post them prominently in visible locations – your computer screen, your bathroom mirror, on the cabinet with the peanut butter, wherever.  This helps you hold yourself accountable because you don’t fall prey to the set-it-and-forget-it mentality.  The more you see your goals, the more likely you are to take action on them (or recognize that they’re too big and break them down.)

According to one study, sharing your goal – especially with someone you respect – can drive your motivation and help hold yourself more accountable. 

But if you’re not ready to start a 100-day goal challenge on social media, there are other ways to share your goals or progress, too, like creating and following a schedule.

3.      Create a schedule and track your progress

You can improve your accountability by giving your tasks realistic (and reasonable) deadlines.  I know a lot of people who avoid goal setting because they don’t want the goal’s due date to pass and feel like they’ve failed on the goal.  But without that date-based reminder, goals and tasks can fall off the radar.

I recommend integrating key tasks into your routine by adding them to your calendar, doing them when you’re doing something else you do every day (like drinking coffee or brushing your teeth) or setting reminders (on your phone, computer, or with a loved one) to stay organized and on track.

For example, I have a long-running to-do list in Airtable, in which I’ve identified the tasks that I need to do, coded by the project those tasks ladder up to, and with due dates for each task.  Does that mean the outreach to a colleague I meant to do the week of October 10th is done?  No, alas, it does not.  But that task was a lower priority than writing this blog post, so here we are.

No matter how you remind yourself, track your progress using a journal, app, or checklist to see how far you’ve come. Some people like a good old list on paper.  Wherever you store your to-dos and goals, regularly review and adjust them based on what’s working and what’s not.

Expert tip:  Track your to-dos and progress on something you have with you ALL. THE. TIME.  For some people that’s the phone.  For others, it’s a notebook.  Whatever it is, you’ll want access to it whenever an obstacle comes up or a task becomes a little more complicated.

4.      Reward yourself

As you hold yourself accountable, celebrate your wins.  Take time to reflect on what you learned – what helped you stay accountable?  What got in your way? 

To keep up your motivation, devise a reward system for holding yourself accountable.  Do you like a visual reward like a sticker chart?  Does working toward an ice cream cone motivate you?  Whatever it is, be sure to celebrate and reward your progress.

5.      Consider an accountability partner

An accountability partner is someone who is interested in your progress without being attached to it or invested in it.  They’re someone with whom you can report progress, exchange encouragements, and keep yourself honest. Ideally, your accountability partner is also working on improving something and will hold themselves accountable to you, too.

There are many ways to work with an accountability partner – do you text?  Meet?  Email?  How often? – and the key is finding the right cadence and method that works for you.

If you’re not yet comfortable with finding an accountability partner, there's an app for that. They can monitor your vitals, goals, time management, or budgeting habits.  A quick google search will yield lots of results. However, if you really want a gonzo accountability app, check out www.stickk.com, where you can make a commitment contract with consequences!

6.      Anticipate and manage mistakes

Accountable people aren’t perfect, so don’t expect yourself to be, either.  Mistakes will happen, deadlines will be missed.  But don’t beat yourself up for making reasonable mistakes.  Reflect on them.  Learn from them.  And make a plan for what you’ll do when the same situation arises again.

7.      That said, confront your lack of follow-through on goals.

When we are having trouble holding ourselves accountable, it’s easy to blow off the small stuff.  So you didn’t get to the gym yesterday – did anybody die? 

No, of course not, but you did not keep a promise to yourself.  And that’s worth investigating.  Get curious (not judgmental) about what got in your way.  What kept you from staying true to yourself?  What did you tell yourself in the moment you made the decision to not be accountable?  And what will you tell yourself next time?

8.      Finish one task before you start another

When you start a task, focus on completing that task for as long as you can before starting something new.  Our restless saboteurs can make focusing difficult, so have a phrase in your back pocket to keep that saboteur calm.  It could be something like, “I am learning and growing and it’s uncomfortable.” 

Be ready to take intentional and measured breaks (and feel uncomfortable), but do your best not to multitask or get distracted. 

9.      Prepare for your day

The more you plan for obstacles headed your way, the more likely you are to overcome them.  For example, are you more productive in the morning or afternoon?  If it’s the morning, don’t schedule focused work on your accountable tasks right after lunch. 

Anticipate any items or energy you may need during the day to get things done. Having what you need ready before you start can help reduce the time it takes to actually get something done.

10.  Create lists (optional)

If you’re a list-maker, make some lists.  Use an app or a piece of paper, it doesn’t matter.  Seeing what you’re up against can feel daunting, but checking things off one by one can be so rewarding.

11. Work with a coach (optional, but recommended!)

Coaches can show you the benefits of having an accountability partner who will not only hold you accountable, but will push you to start holding yourself accountable. Why not reach out to me for a free session to find out more?